id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
