I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I need moral support for this bender
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
