my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
