This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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