Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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