i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
