You're my little dorito
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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