Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
