Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
