I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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