Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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