just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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