So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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