Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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