he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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