I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
