ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dignity is for republicans.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
