if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My penis needs a shock collar
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
