I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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