remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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