God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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