and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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