I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
