my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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