I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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