He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
