I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
