I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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