I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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