When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
