dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
