How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
