i think my tv is drunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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