I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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