I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
