I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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