Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
