that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
