I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
tell me about the eggs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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