This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
