i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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