I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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