She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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