I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
