I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
