Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
