i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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