Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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