I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
