She announced her abortion via fbk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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