have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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