You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
