Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
