considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
