Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
