Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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