i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
