he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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