He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
