I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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