I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i came on her dog
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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