jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize