Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
