Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
