Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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